Throughout the whole of your pregnancy it is really common to feel like you are riding an emotional rollercoaster with no way out. There will be highs and lows, unexpected twists and turns and moments of feeling out of control. It can be a lot to deal with. Alongside the physical changes and adjustments there are lots of things going on psychologically too.
There are lots of emotions from the moment you find out you are pregnant; you might be excited, terrified, or unsure if this is what you want to do; and these feelings might be there throughout your pregnancy, especially if things are more complicated medically or this was an unexpected pregnancy. But even in a much longed for pregnancy you can feel unsure. It can be hard to make sense of these feelings sometimes and they might hit you at unexpected moments but this is a huge time of change and it can be hard to get all your thoughts in order at the best of the time.
But you are also managing all the wonderful (!) symptoms of pregnancy. You might be feeling exhausted, sick, dizzy, suffering heartburn, not able to do some of your favourite things, or eat your favourite things. Pregnancy is not usually a time you feel great – maybe a few weeks somewhere in the middle of the second trimester – and that will affect how you are coping mentally too. Feeling out of sorts in your body for weeks can easily affect how you are responding psychologically. Making sure you are able to look after yourself physically will help to manage some of the rollercoaster to keep you a bit more balanced (hopefully!).
You might also have some previous experiences which are impacting on your rollercoaster ride. If this isn’t your first pregnancy your history will affect you. Whether you have children already or a journey of loss will change the way you journey through this pregnancy; if you have experienced a long journey to pregnancy it can be really hard to accept and enjoy where you are now. The biggest thing is not to make things worse by beating yourself up about the way you are feeling, which is so easy to do. Thinking you should be loving it, feeling grateful, happy or excited when you feel terrified and anxious is a quick route to your first experience of mum guilt. Be gentle with yourself and know that whatever your feelings they are very valid, real and not ‘wrong’. Saying that, if things feel out of control and are affecting your day to day life speak to your midwife as you might benefit from some extra support.
As your pregnancy progresses the ups and downs of the rollercoaster might be different. You might be feeling better physically as the symptoms subside but there might be a whole new set of mind games coming your way as the reality of life with a baby starts to hit. Speaking to expectant parents there are often some worries around getting it right – not just the practical stuff like how to change a nappy or bathe baby (I can teach you that!) but how to parent, how to manage the tricky stuff and whether you are going to mess up your child if you get it wrong (I can’t help with that other than offer lots of reassurance that if you are worrying about it, you probably won’t).
But it can feel really daunting knowing you have responsibility for this small person, not just keeping them safe and well but for their development and growth as a person. And whilst we do know that what happens in these early weeks, months and years makes a difference into adulthood in terms of how we cope with situations and form relationships, it isn’t the result of one trial that didn’t work out, or the time you just had to leave your baby to cry while you ran to the bathroom or got a snack before feeding them.
There can be other pressures that you are feeling around baby arriving. It can be hard to adjust to being on maternity leave and taking a break from a career you have worked hard in and enjoy, it can feel odd to lose that identity a little bit and you might have worries about going back when you haven’t even left yet! Or maybe your fears are financial or about the support you will have or not have when baby arrives. Changes in your relationship can creep in during pregnancy or might be on your mind. There is a shift as your family grows and time and attention for each other is much less with spontaneity and things you enjoy maybe taking a back seat for a while.
So many of us can be overthinkers and this is such a huge change and a huge unknown that your overthinking can hit a whole new level and it may be that pregnancy hormones play a role in this increasing our likelihood of experiencing anxiety and intrusive or ‘weird’ thoughts.
All these thoughts, and weird, vivid dreams if you have experienced those as well, are down to pregnancy hormones. Hormones get a lot of blame in pregnancy but they really do make some significant differences for you both physically and mentally.
It is hormones which are responsible for nausea, heartburn, constipation, the aches and pains as your body loosens for birth and a whole host of other niggles you have probably noticed.
The big changes in oestrogen and progesterone in early pregnancy can really affect how you are feeling in the first few weeks and months of pregnancy. You are probably already aware of the impact of hormonal changes throughout your menstrual cycle which is also down to oestrogen and progesterone levels changing. With high progesterone in pregnancy you are likely to feel much more emotional, maybe more tearful. Oestrogen is important in mood-regulation so it isn’t hard to figure out that the big changes in oestrogen can lead to all sorts of changes in mood.
Unfortunately there isn’t much you can do about changing hormone levels and they are really important to help support your pregnancy and the development and growth of your baby. It is more a case of understanding what is happening and why, and then being gentle with yourself as you acknowledge the emotions and feelings and try not to let them affect you too much.
Look after yourself physically as much as you can, get out for a walk or some exercise and try and eat healthily. Talk to people about how you are feeling if helps, nothing to be embarrassed about and you might be surprised how many people know just what you mean when you try and explain.
And a side note to partners, if you are reading at this point – thank you! You are likely on an emotional rollercoaster of your own. Lots of things above relate to you too and you will also likely be experiencing a mix of excitement and worry about pregnancy, birth or baby. Just without the body changes and hormonal element! But being aware of what your partner is experiencing is really helpful. While I was doing some research for this blog there were various suggestions of search terms ‘why is my girlfriend angry during pregnancy?’, ‘is it normal to have an emotional breakdown in pregnancy?’, and so on. It might be joked about that we experience mood swings in pregnancy but these can be hard to manage at times so and understanding support person (who may be the one experiencing the worst of it) can make an amazing difference.
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