
Those early weeks with your baby can feel like they go by in a bit of a blur. It’s really common to hear women say, around 12 weeks, that they are coming out of the newborn fog as they gradually settle into life with their baby. So what is going on before that?
To start with you will be recovering from birth and being pregnant. However your baby arrived the chances are your recovery will take some time, both physically and mentally and your body might feel a bit odd too you. When you come you will likely be feeling exhausted, either from labour or from staying on a hospital ward after the birth!
And from there you are straight into caring for a brand new baby, quite possibly feeling like you have no idea what you are doing (thoughts probably worsened by your tiredness or pain). Lots of babies seem to ‘wake up’ a bit on the second night – which might be your first night at home – and want to feed lots. It’s really tough. You really want to sleep and the little person really needs you. It’s so common to doubt yourself and, if you are breastfeeding, to doubt your baby is getting enough colostrum.
Babies aren’t born with any concept of day and night, their circadian rhythm is not established until around 3 months. This means that they will sleep, wake and feed whenever they need to until gradually they start to sleep longer periods overnight and be more awake in the daytime. It can be hard to manage in the early weeks because you do have a well established circadian rhythm and your body is fully expecting a long night time sleep.

Unfortunately you just have to go with your baby’s flow and follow their lead, now is not the time to try and manipulate sleep or feed times. Things will improve with time and, in the short term, make sure you have some support and sleep when you are able to. Your baby, you and your sleep are your priority! Everything else can wait.
Do people want to come and visit you? You might only just be home from hospital, you are bleeding, have some stitches (whether in your tummy or perineum), trying to figure out breastfeeding, don’t have time for a shower or to brush your hair, your pyjamas are the best thing ever and there are dirty dishes all over the kitchen. And people are calling and texting to come and see you. Well the baby, they really want to see the baby. The pressure can be on to say yes and then feel like you need to clean up, get dressed, be all bright and breezy. If you want to say no, say no. You might even have this discussion before birth, let people know if want to have some time to recover and get to know your baby by yourselves first.
But this is a rollercoaster, so even in the depths of your tiredness and all the overthinking you will also have times where you are feeling absolutely amazing because – YOU DID IT! You did birth. There will be some real highs where you look at your baby in amazement because they are here in your arms and they are just incredible.

Then we have to consider hormones. The oxytocin will be giving you that superwoman feeling, like you could do anything, but other pregnancy hormones are dropping now that baby is here and they could make things a little unpredictable.
The baby blues is a term often used to talk about what happens around day 3-10ish. As pregnancy hormones drop the emotions shift and this is the time of tears. Happy tears, sad tears, angry, overwhelmed, excited or there aren’t any biscuits left tears. There may be absolutely no reason for the tears and the mood shifts but there they are and not much you can do about it. Look after yourself and don’t feel you aren’t coping well if that is how you are in these first two weeks. The rollercoaster is real and it will be quite the ride.
But even beyond this time of ‘baby blues’ you might find the emotional rollercoaster continues. I think we all know we don’t feel at our best when we are tired and add to that the pressure you are putting yourself under to get things right for your baby, and we can easily end up an emotional mess. And as the weeks go on the external support can drop, paternity leave is over, friends and family visit less and you are expected to be getting on with it now. That doesn’t mean you feel any more able to cope than you did a few weeks ago. Your baby might still be a bit of a mystery, physically you aren’t fully healed, or you could be thinking about life before baby and what you would be doing at work or with friends – as your partner heads back to work and ‘normal’ life it can take some adjustment for you.
As all that happens it can also feel like the days are long. New babies are often just sleeping or feeding and aside from a few nappy changes it can all feel a bit relentless some days. Of course there are the amazing high points of first smiles or realising your baby is lifting their head a little more and all the sleepy cuddles are just bliss but it is normal to find this all tricky to navigate.

So what can you do? It is really worth thinking about how you can plan for your postnatal time. What can you do that will make your life a little bit easier when things feel a little bit (or a lot) out of control or overwhelming.
That might mean thinking about your support network, who can offer what and who you will be comfortable with whatever your physical or emotional state. Or considering what will streamline life in your house; fill the freezer, set up your online shop, set up stations for nappy changing, organise baby clothes, figure out the housework, get your life admin done.
Remember that doing this with just your partner (or alone) is incredibly hard. Those cultures and communities who truly live and work as a ‘village’ manage parenting so much better. Be open to needing help, be open to telling people what you need, and be open with your partner about what you need from them.

Most of all don’t let the rollercoaster take over. Know the ride is there, expect the highs and lows but don’t add to them with guilt and worry. Enjoy the highs, the cuddles, the first smiles and the little successes as you start to figure out what you are doing.
If you feel these baby blues and rollercoaster feelings are not lifting and you are stuck low, seek some extra support. That might be family and friends, but reach out to your health visitor or GP if you think postnatal depression is affecting you.
You are going to be amazing!!
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