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  • Beth

Not Loving Pregnancy? You Aren't Alone



I have taught hundreds of pregnant women since 2013 and one thing I can see is that not everyone loves being pregnant!


They might be thrilled to be pregnant, might have been waiting months or years for this time to come, are already planning life ahead with their baby; but being pregnant isn’t quite what they expected or it’s tougher than anyone had said.


So if you are pregnant and not enjoying it I am here to tell you that you are not alone.

Not everyone gets symptoms during their pregnancy and social media loves to show us the glowing pregnant folks with their perfect bumps so sometimes as we roll out of bed and struggle to get trousers and socks on, or you can’t move freely because of your pelvic girdle pain, or staying awake after 8pm is out of the question (or even staying awake between 2 and 4pm!) it is all too easy to compare.


How is she wearing that dress? Those heels? Enjoying a night out?

When you just love your baggy pjs and an evening on the sofa (as long as there is someone there to help you up for your next toilet trip).


Pregnancy comes with lots of surprises – some of them are amazing; feeling your baby kick is pretty special. But some are less than exciting.


Constant nausea or vomiting, back pain, reflux, pelvic pain, incontinence, piles, rib pain, leg cramps, sciatica, exhaustion like you have never felt before. I’m sure there are more but let’s stop there. Of course, not everyone experiences all of them and they might be transient but it can be tough.


Added to that every week your baby is growing. Your body is constantly adapting – carrying more weight, changing blood volume, heart working harder, lungs getting squashed, more fluid, and so on. Everything is changing and so you are constantly adapting to something different and that can be hard to manage.


On top of all the physical changes there are lots of emotional things to manage too. You might be so excited about life ahead with your baby or you could be terrified. All in the space of an hour! It’s a massive change and lots of couples have some apprehension in amongst the excitement. Some days you might be super positive and others wondering what you have done. It’s totally normal to have these feelings and no reflection on how you feel about your baby or how things will be once they arrive.


What can be more difficult is the perception that we should be grateful to be pregnant, that whatever we suffer we should just put up with and be happy we can grow a baby. And whilst lots of people will certainly agree it’s a huge privilege to be pregnant it doesn’t mean you can’t have a little moan. Or even a big moan.


If you have been on a long journey to this point your emotions can be so mixed. Maybe not wanting to connect too much with your baby just in case. Maybe not wanting to get excited about the future because you can’t quite believe this is real. Or maybe you do feel that after loss or fertility issues you should just be grateful.


And I am sure that you are. But that doesn’t mean it is an easy ride. There will be days where you can barely stay awake or you can’t eat anything and that isn’t something anyone is going to enjoy.


You might be struggling with your changing body. For some women being pregnant is quite liberating, after years of watching food and weight it can feel like a time where you can relax and not worry so much. But for others it can be really hard to see your body change in ways you might not be happy with.


I don’t want to sound negative about pregnancy – it truly is incredible – but it certainly isn’t easy. There will be days where you feel amazing, days where you love being pregnant but there may also be days where you feel so ready to meet your baby and done with this whole experience.


Changing emotions or difficult emotions are all a part of this journey. If you are finding any parts of your pregnancy, physical or mental, are really affecting your day to day then speak to your midwife to see if you can access any additional support if you need it. It is fine to need some extra help and it could make all the difference to how you cope of the rest of your pregnancy.


If you can, find a group of supportive pregnant folks who can be with you on this journey. It can be so helpful to feel like you aren’t alone. I love Birthing classes for providing a safe space for people to share anything and everything and get supported from those around them. It is truly special seeing that encouragement without any judgement from people who get it. If you can’t get to face to face classes there are lots of online groups where you can find help in whatever measure you need.


If you are local to me around Harrow, Hillingdon, SW Herts I would love to welcome you to classes to help you prepare for birth https://www.bethowen.uk/antenatal-classes-workshops

 

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