There Is More To Breastfeeding Than A Full Tummy - AKA My Baby Wants to Feed All The Time

If you are starting out breastfeeding your baby there are lots of things it is helpful to know. Often new parents find themselves surrounded by family and friends with more experience of formula feeding than breastmilk, and this can lead to some confusion because babies fed with formula can behave quite differently to breast fed babies. If you aren’t aware of these difference it can lead to more doubts and worries about whether you are producing enough milk or getting feeding right.

This blog is going to help you understand more about the behaviour of breastfed newborns and the perception of them feeding ‘all the time’ or ‘being hungry again’.

Breastmilk is digested quicker than formula and little tummies need filling more frequently. This can make it tricky when there is lots of information around 3 hour feeding schedules. This might work well for some formula fed babies but breastfed babies are feeding much more frequently, and early on that is really important as it is setting up your supply and getting everything balanced for your baby's needs. It can really sow doubts though when someone tells you their baby feeds every 3 hours and yours seems hungry every 90 minutes! Is there enough milk, are they actually drinking anything? It is no wonder lots of new mums don’t feel confident that breastfeeding is going well for them and their baby.

What is also tricky is that it usually seems easier for babies drinking formula to settle into a routine. Feeds are fairly regular and so you can feel there is some rhythm to the day from fairly early on. Breastfed babies tend to take a little longer to settle to a rhythm (there are always exceptions!!) and if you are trying to follow a routine/schedule/pattern in your day it can be hard with a breastfed baby.

This isn’t just about the small tummy size, you might be trying to find a rhythm around 2 hour feeds and struggling. This is about why your baby breastfeeds.

Breastfeeding is about so much more than just a full tummy. Of course lots of feeds are because your baby is hungry but there are lots of other reasons too and that is why you can’t watch the clock and decide if it is time for another feed or not.

Breastmilk contains hormones to help your baby sleep (trying not to feed to sleep is hard too!) so when your baby is tired and wants a little help to fall asleep they look to feed. Sucking is also a calming mechanism. All in all a perfect solution for a tired little one who hasn’t yet figured out how to fall asleep.

Breastfeeding can also help ease discomfort, it can relieve pain and might also help with trapped wind or a need to poo.

If you have had a busy day and your baby is overstimulated and doesn’t know how to regulate themselves the easiest way is for them to find comfort at the breast and relax with the sucking reflex.

The same is true if they are feeling unsettled, maybe a bit under the weather, or just looking to reconnect with you. Being in your arms might not be enough – so much connection comes from breastfeeding. This links in with developmental leaps – times where things do feel a bit unsettling for your baby. They are learning new skills and increasing their awareness of what is going on around them. They are figuring out there are different people in their world and they need to work out how they feel about that. You are their place of safety and the place they come to when they need to feel secure again. It is a lot to process.

Growth spurts come along pretty regularly in the early months and lead to more frequent feeds for a few days. It isn’t a bad thing, just something to be aware of. Your baby just needs a bit more milk. Probably at night too, so sleep might feel a bit disrupted.

For all these reasons (and probably more) breastfeeding isn’t particularly easy to predict or regulate. Trying to stretch feeds a little when your baby is tired and overstimulated isn’t going to help anyone. Likewise if they are having a growth spurt those more frequent feeds are really normal and needed.

This isn’t to say it is all easy, but often if any doubt, offer the breast. There is a strong chance that it will resolve whatever had upset your baby. You might not figure out what it was but you have sorted it. And every time that happens your baby is learning to trust you and to know that you are a safe space when they need help for whatever reason. All these other things come under the heading non-nutritive sucking. This isn’t a bad thing it is a really normal baby behaviour but it is something it is important to understand.  

When we acknowledge all the possible reasons babies are looking for a breastfeed we can start to see that trying to stick to a routine might be tricky. Formula fed babies are taking longer to digest milk and their feeds are largely about filling their tummy. They, and their parents, find other ways to manage the other stuff so feeds become a little more predictable based on hunger. Babies who are bottle fed tend to be more likely to have a dummy which might satisfy some of those non-nutritive sucking needs, and some breastfeeding parents will also opt for a dummy if they feel their baby spends longer at the breast than is working for everyone. But it isn't right for everyone.

You might have seen lots about routines and how important they are but if you and your baby are finding it hard to stick to a schedule it can become really stressful. Trying to do naps at a certain time and stretching the time between feeds can feel really hard when your baby just wants to feed and sleep when they need to. Manipulating those needs in young babies is a huge challenge you won’t often succeed with, which can result in parents feeling that they are doing something wrong. (They aren’t, their baby just isn’t on the schedule they read about).

I much prefer the idea of finding rhythm. Knowing that your baby feeds roughly every xx, but it can be more. Realising your baby is going to need a nap when they have been awake for xx. Not saying they need a nap at 10am but knowing they need a nap e.g. 1.5 hours after they wake up. It might not make your planning easier but it helps you feel there is some predictability in your days. As time goes on you might find you do see more consistent timings but they are often short lived. Just as you get used to them your baby has a little growth spurt or can stay awake a bit longer and you are figuring it all out again.

When you transition to life with your new baby it is a huge change. Some find it a smooth shift from work life to mum life but for others it is incredibly hard. If you are someone who thrives on routine, on ticking off your to do list and being in control of your time and day, life with a newborn can be really challenging. Going with the flow and following your baby’s lead can make you feel completely lost and stressed with the unpredictable days and I think it is really important we acknowledge that for some parents the push for a routine is more for their benefit. So much is written about new babies and parenting but it is important to find what works for you and your baby. We are all individuals and all have different perspectives and needs so we all need different strategies. Understanding more about newborn behaviour, and particularly around breastfeeding, can make it easier for you to accept where you are at and work out what you need going forward.

Lastly, I want to mention bad habits. One of the ‘bad habits' you will hear about is baby learning to fall asleep at the breast or ‘expecting’ the breast if you offer all the time. Let’s be clear, it is biologically normal for your baby to fall asleep at the breast. Everything is set up for that to happen. To try and stop it happening is really hard. It isn’t a bad habit, it is the most normal thing for them to do. In fact, if you try and stop feeding to sleep you will need to do something else to help them sleep; rocking, or walking them around etc. As for expecting you to breastfeed all the time, again very normal. They aren’t manipulating you. This is about more than hunger, if your baby looks to feed we know there could be many reasons and denying them that option goes against all instincts. Their needs are very simple and by responding to them they are learning to trust you and build the strong attachment you both need.

Understanding more about breastfeeding might not make it feel any less exhausting when your baby wants to feed frequently but hopefully the knowledge you have makes it easier to understand the reasons and not worry about whether you are doing the right thing or whether your baby is getting enough milk (always get to some support if you are concerned).

Beth x