Is There A Guide? Bringing Your Baby Home From Hospital

You might have been imaging this moment for months. Bought all the stuff, been to the antenatal classes, spoke to friends and family about babies, and in the last weeks of pregnancy couldn’t wait to meet your baby and start parenting.

Suddenly pregnancy is over, baby is here and you are in the postnatal ward together, recovering from birth, finding out changing a nappy on a newborn isn’t quite the same as the doll you practiced on, and figuring out feeding your baby.

Whilst you are dreaming of your own bed and bathroom (day dreaming, you aren’t sleeping that well!) there is a certain security being in the hospital. Surrounded by other new parents, midwifes and support workers there is someone to check with, someone to reassure you and give you a hand when you need it.

Then it is time to leave. You are both ready to go home. Bags are hastily packed, with nothing like the care that went into packing them a few weeks ago. The car seat is brought into the ward and you carefully place your baby in trying to gently get the straps tight, tuck a blanket around them and you are free to go. Maybe a midwife wishes you luck as you head out of the doors and into the world together. A brand new family.

You get everything and everyone into the car and start the journey home. Driving more cautiously than you ever have before, hyper aware of all the other cars on the road no one can relax until you are safely parked at home.

You manage to get everything in the house, bags are dumped and it will probably be a few weeks before they get moved and unpacked. Then what? Baby is asleep in the car seat, you know they have been in there as long as they should be already but you just sit and look. Look at your gorgeous sleeping baby, look at each other and wonder what on earth you are meant to do now.

Is there some sort of instruction guide in the stuff they gave you when you left hospital? Some kind of starter pack to get you going with your baby?

Eventually you get the courage to get them out of the car seat, like you are holding explosives and, if you are lucky they are still asleep in your arms, but maybe they are now awake and crying. Time for a first feed in your home, without the back up of the midwives. You can do this!

Those first days are a blur. It turns out the information from the hospital was not an instruction guide, just details for your health visitor and GP and some leaflets on local groups and weighing clinics.

Your baby is brand new with no idea about the world, even less about time and sleep. They feed and sleep whenever they want and, you don’t! Suddenly you are catapulted into a crazy world where you can’t remember when you last ate a full meal, your best sleep was from 5am until ???? A shower feels like a distant luxury. And you have no idea how such a tiny person has turned your life upside down.

So many new parents feel they have a nocturnal baby. They have no circadian rhythm so no sense of day and night so they are up at any time. Just when you feel you need to sleep and keep recovering from pregnancy and birth. The first few nights your baby will probably be feeding loads. If you are breastfeeding they are stimulating your body to help switch from colostrum to milk and start to increase supply to meet their needs. It is so easy to have doubts at this point. In the time you were in hospital your baby might have been quite sleepy and now they seem more awake and constantly wanting to feed. Just respond to their cues, it isn’t because you don’t have any milk, or you aren’t satisfying their hunger. They are working with you to help get your supply set up for the longer term. As long as you are hearing the swallows and see you baby sucking, the chances are you are getting it right. Any concerns, of course check with your midwife or a feeding group.

It might all feel a bit dream like in those early days. After all the waiting and prep, here you are with your baby in your arms, in your home. And there is no one to tell you what you should be doing, how to get it right.

It is really normal to feel anxious, to feel unsure and doubt your choices. You are exhausted, hormonal and probably feeling under pressure (from yourself!) to get this right. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Speak to your midwife or health visitor with any questions. Have a chat with friends and family you know will be supportive. Or find external support who can help you with information or signpost you when you need it.

As a postnatal doula I have families that I just visit once or twice and I actually love these visits. It is usually with a pretty new baby and some anxious parents with lots of questions. We can just talk about how things are going and discuss any issues. I can give ideas and information where it is helpful but mostly I listen, ensure people feel heard and give lots of reassurance. Some parents already have an idea of how they want to manage a situation and just having someone else reassure them is all they need. The most common things we talk about are feeding and sleep. I often also demo different calming and soothing techniques or we have a little practice with the sling.

If it all feels overwhelming coming home with your baby know you are not alone. Most new parents feel the same. Yes, you are excited to have made it to this point but if you are a bit surprised by your emotions that is fine. It can also be quite a stressful anxious time as you get used to each other and figure out what on earth you are meant to do with this small person you have waited so long to meet. If it isn’t all picture perfect that is ok. Take each day, each hour, at a time and you will get there (not to picture perfect but to somewhere you are happier with!), trust your instincts and trust your baby. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. No one knows what they are doing when they first come home, especially if it is your first baby and even if it isn’t your first baby!  

Trust your instincts and trust your baby. Try not to let your worries take over and stop you enjoying this time together.

Beth x