Feeding To Sleep - Should I Stop?

Do you breastfeed your baby to sleep? Lots and lots of mums do.

Newborn babies seem to do little more than feed and sleep. Sometimes they only feed a short time and they are fast asleep, other times they are sleeping and feeding at the same time. In those early days breastfeeding and sleeping are closely linked and, because babies are so tiny, it is accepted that this is what happens.

But as babies start to grow parents start to doubt whether this is the right thing to do. Perhaps you are struggling with your baby’s sleep and wonder if stopping the feed association might help. Or you are thinking about what will happen in a few months time – will you still be feeding to sleep? Or just worrying about setting up a bad habit that you will need to break so maybe do it now before it gets worse?

Many parents really do worry about breastfeeding to sleep. Whether baby will become reliant on it, expect it, is waking and needing a feed to get back to sleep, how it will end, should we try not to start. The thought processes are crazy when you are sleep deprived and trying your best to get things ‘right’ for your baby, and you.

Additionally there is plenty out there to tell you that you shouldn’t feed to sleep and aim for the fabled ‘drowsy but awake’ moment to settle your baby.

But wait, your baby isn’t happy with half a feed and a drowsy but awake transfer to the cot. Your baby is no longer drowsy but awake, they are awake and crying not drifting peacefully off to sleep as the book had assured you would happen. Is it too late? Are the habits fixed?

Well, yes and no. As with all things sleep my advice is always to consider whether your baby’s sleep is a problem for you today. It might not be what you hoped but is it manageable? Are you ok with feeding to sleep at the moment? Is it working for you and your baby?

If you are thinking yes, we are ok. But, everyone says we should………….

Then I suggest you carry on with what is working for YOU. Ignore the external noise and focus on your baby. Other people having a problem with your baby’s sleep or you feeding them to sleep isn’t really important. The only people that matter are you and your baby.

If the answer is no, we are struggling with sleep or breastfeeding, then maybe it is worth looking at alternatives to help you. This might be changing how you feed or where your baby sleeps, seeing if someone can support you so you can nap or change how you and your partner split night wakes. But this isn’t a sleep coaching blog and it isn’t individual support!

The first thing to know about breastfeeding your baby sleep is that this is the biological norm for babies. This is how the process is designed to work. In your arms your baby feels safe and relaxed, sucking is calming and a soothing tool for them, and your milk has hormones in which help them sleep. It is meant to be! In fact it is really hard for fourth trimester babies to feed and not fall asleep.

Because this is the way babies are almost programmed to fall asleep, and in the early days/weeks you really can’t prevent it, it isn’t something to consider a bad habit or something you need to stop before they ‘get used’ to it. It is there. Babies who aren’t breastfed will often fall asleep feeding too. Sucking a bottle, cuddled in your arms and with a full tummy, it all works together.

Our small babies don’t understand how to fall asleep. They know they feel tired and need to sleep (on some basic level) but they don’t know what to do with those feelings. Often they will cry for a feed because – all the reasons above! – it ticks the boxes to help them drift off. But put a tired baby in the cot and they can’t settle themselves, they often just get more upset and more tired. They might eventually fall asleep with exhaustion but they haven’t really worked out how to calm themselves, relax and fall asleep.

What if you do decide feeding to sleep is not for you and your baby anymore? At any age you are going to need to replace it with something. With little ones, definitely under 6 months and possibly older, this can be quite hard work for a little while. You might need to walk them around or rock or cuddle them off to sleep. You might need to calm them before you can try those things. A sling or carrier can be a life saver for a baby who needs to fall asleep in your arms. It’s all good when they are tiny but these small people get heavy! It might be easier for the non-breastfeeding parent to do because cuddling and rocking your baby will naturally put them closer to your breast and the lovely smell of milk.

But again, this blog isn’t about the sleep solutions it is about helping you to understand the normality of breastfeeding to sleep and reassuring you that this is a very normal behaviour. And, in fact, a behaviour that is tricky to stop and still needs a labour intensive (that might not be the right phrasing!) method to support your baby to sleep. For most babies stopping feeding to sleep is not a magical fix for night wakings or long bedtimes.

If you do feel you need to do something to help your baby sleep (and you to sleep) take a look at holistic sleep coaching or gentle methods. For babies under 6 months sleep training isn’t recommended and over that age there are all sorts of things you can try. Taking a holistic approach means looking at the bigger picture of what happens during the day; feeds, naps, time out and about, as well as what happens at bedtime and over night. There really isn’t a one size fits all approach, it needs to be tailored for you and your baby and use methods you are comfortable with.

If you are finding it tough, you are not alone. Breastfeeding can be a hard, lonely journey. It can also be the most rewarding and amazing thing you do. Helping your baby sleep can be exhausting and draining, but those sleepy cuddles and little smiles can be the best part of your day.

Let’s remember where we started. ‘Whose problem is your baby’s sleep?’.

Beth x